Peter Gibbons (thecure4ca) wrote,
Peter Gibbons
thecure4ca

NOTE TO SELF #679

I paid $479 to get a brand new dishwasher from Lowe's Home Improvement. That included delivery. The store is 6 miles away. For a $79 delivery charge, I could have humped that thing home on my back with a 12-pack in the rack. But what the hell, after several botched voicemail messages and two delivery attempts, I finally got my appliance delivered to my door.

Although I was very much infatuated with the young, Mexican girl who filled-in for the old dishwasher...I was glad to see this new mechanical device...so the "Sexican" could focus on more important duties.

Here's a blow-by-blow of today's do-it-yourself installation:

I was faced with 3 connections: one drainage, one electrical and one water. All three kicked my ass. I eventually got two connected. The water line was a bitch. It leaked repeatedly despite prayer and an animal sacrifice (that thing barked all the time anyway).

It wasn't long before i realized they don't include the $1.99 elbow pipe I need to hook it up. I paid almost $500 and they can't throw in the $1.99 pipe they know I need. Game on. So I run to the hardware store and sit in traffic because some old lady totally t-boned an SUV by a Rally's burger joint. I mean. She tore that thing up...and was just sitting in her car with minor front end damage as the cops swept away the last of her victim's vehicle.

Once I made it home, the dishwasher took a quick 3-0 lead by slicing my hand with a drainage connection, spraying me in the face with high-pressure water and giving me a mild shock at the electrical hook-up. Stunned but not out, I immediately responded with a plumber's wrench wheel-house to the stainless steel front followed by an uppercut to the motor. It was apparent...this one was gonna go down to the wire. There would be no winner until the circuit breaker got thrown!

Just when it looked like I was going to pull ahead for good, tragedy struck. I solved the leak and said, "Take that you mother-fucking dish licker!" Well, things spiraled out of control from there. It static-cling shocked me when I took off the protective, front plastic cover and it swallowed a screw when I tried to bolt it in place (even though the directions said don't drop a screw in it and I said, "Yeah, what kind of moron would do that?"). I frantically tried to retrieve it. No go. Just when I thought alcohol might be a factor, I rallied and nailed that sucker to the counter like my last date...and gave it pot. Lots of pots. It quickly became more cooperative...and hence, I am washing dishes while typing on the computer. Victory is mine...as long as I throw some Doritos in it every couple hours.
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 4 comments