Topic: Swine Flu.
"AIDS ain't no joke either but nobody seems too concerned about that anymore. It's the media's disease of the month club. Cancer, AIDS and Mad Cow are all yesterday's news. Even that flesh-eating virus is boring now. Swine flu is like an IPOD. It's the new thing. Everybody's getting it."
Topic: My girlfriend's daughter who got to stay home from school because she's sick.
"Wow. She said she'd pull a Ferris Bueller and she did it. I'd start administering enemas on the hour to teach her the value of an education! You might as well go to lunch with me, because she definitely doesn't want you around cramping her free day off. She knew you had plans. You're supposed to NOT be there so she can have some fun. You threw a monkey wrench into the whole thing by staying home. I gotta give it to her. It's brilliant. You might want to change her name to Erwin, because she grew a huge set of balls during the night."